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More problems keep arising. The excuses and lies are getting more elaborate. I van only be strong for so long before i start to lose my grip. I need a way to figure everything

With the new boyfriend I should be happy. But i am not. Too many excuses not to see me. Too little effort to make me feel like a queen. I fear its over before it began. I refuse to think the sob's were right about me being a monster thats unloveable. I'm beyond disappointed frustrated and lonely.

Something isnt right. Im rapidly losing faith in everything

Yea being used, ignored, lied to is not making me a happy camper. The guy I really liked broke all those rules. I realized that my heart is full of darkened scars. I went out on an amazing date and had the time of my life only to realize he lied about his profile on a dating site. Then spent the entire day ignoring me. I was so heartbroken. I guess I fell too hard too quickly. Never again. Im going to try and land another date with someone else. Im afraid if I dont find someone I will lose all hope and succumb to darkness.

Yep its official. Im in hell and have sunk to a new low.

I am so angry and sad. Things keep snowballing on me. All I wanted to do is just forget. I am trying to keep my head up and remain positive but it's so hard to do. I hate this shit. My support system wants me to try and find a nice new boyfriend to help ease my troubles. My problem with that is everything I am going through I am sure there is no one on this planet that will understand what I am going through. I tried to reach out to Ex here lately but once more I am greeted with silence. I don't know why I even bothered to be honest. This is a tough path I am on, and I don't understand it. I don't have anyone to talk to. Everyone thinks that being a vampire is all fun but it's not. All the lies I have to tell in order to fit in is weighing heavy on my heart. Hollywood has really glamourized it. It's painful, it is the ultimate curse I suppose. My new job doesn't help with my constant hunger. It's hard to tell everyone that I throw up just because I have stomach problems. It's hard to tell everyone I am alergic to the sun and that my eyes have a stignatism to certain lights. It's hard to apologize for walking into someone's dream and hurting them because I am starving myself. So many lies. I don't want to go through this alone. I want someone who understands the pain. sigh.

I guess my mood is somber. I need something to make me feel alive again.

Hmm should I post up my real picture? I've been hiding under my mask of annoyminity for so long.

Another Halloween gone. I feel sad like a child does when christmas is over and the toys are broken. This holiday was over before I got to really enjoy it.



My dreams have stopped. All I have been doing here lately is working. My new manager is ..... Nice but a little too curious about me. Its like working with the riddler. But hia questions aren't the normal get to know me questions. Thats the weird part. These are deep questions that I have never had anyone ask me before. I'm not sure how to react. Maybe he likes me? I am not rwally sure. I can't tell anymore.



Sob#2 is really grating on my nerves I am thibking about putting a restraining order on him even though we are no longer together. I just wish he would leave me the hell alone. I feel sorry for the next woman in his life but at the same time I want him to find her so he can forget about me like he did with his ex wife. I just can't understand why he seeks me out trying to make my life miserable on purpose.



I hate my new job. Absolutely loathe it. But being picky is not a luxury I can afford anymore not like I ever could before. Maybe something good will come out of me working so hard.